Girl-Friend Drama!!

 

I saw this beautiful piece of Bro-knowledge on facebook, and it caught my attention as it had a lot of truth. Firstly let me S/O to all the Bros in relationships, i don't know how you manage but may the Good Lord be with you! 

Okay let me explain to you how i know all this truth. I have been in relationships, quite few though, i am a serious advocate for one night stands and friends with benefits! So being in that bondage, set upon myself by myself, i learnt alot, much like rappers in prison. I came out different, more enlightened, illuminated!!

The last one was the most trying. She exhibited a lot of the a fore mentioned, A LOT!! Crying for, to me, no reason whatsoever. Expecting me to remember dates and shit. And giving me hints...FUCK I HATE HINTS!! 

Hints make me feel stupid. Don't both of us flipping understand English or something. Let me expanciate on that...

It was a couple of days after i was claimed as a boyfriend and i agreed. Okay, firstly i wasn't in the least sexually crazy about the babe. Straight to the point she wanted to bone me, or I bone her, complicated like that.

So about 2 days after "conviction" she started talking all this shit of how to bang, who is banging in our area, the perfect kiss and shit...i was like yh yh cool, i'm working on my second program!! She upped the "hint" with kissing me when i wasn't suspecting and when i started having dumb-ass bugs i restrained her from coming over.

Then finally she got me alone, i was pretty konji striken that day, and started bending over, looking for something that fell on the other side of the bed (yh rite...) and being Sherlock Holmey and Mark Zuckerbergy i just looked straight at her and asked her, do you want me to bone you??? she sat up (no longer looking) and started blush-laughing and saying how funny i was, asked her again and the rest is rubber-sealed!

Point is girls are not likely to say kiss me, like in the movies, or shag me silly like in the cheap porns, but are more likely to be uptight, so take control, but be certain, like in the movies you will just see it in her eyes. And don't be like me, it can be pretty awkward, can't you tell from the story that i was like a tiny dumb idiot, programming dancing clip over a nice hottie, smh stupid me!!

Women in a Geek's Brain

WOMEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

---------------------------

Element: Women

Symbol: Wo

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Mass: Accepted at 53.6 kg, but known to vary between 40 &

200 kg

Occurences: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered in painted film.

2. Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason.

3. Melts if given special treatment.

4. Bitter if incorrectly used.

5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.

6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious

stones.

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no know

reason.

4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly when

saturated in alcohol.

5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

3. Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.

2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained

at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct

contact with each other.

This is a piece by Sam Okorie, a now certified bawse!!!

Send your craziest ideas and get a chance for it to be placed on this worldwide pedestal 

To p.boykoko2@gmail.com

2011 the Year of the Bawses

2011...THE YEAR OF THE BAWSES

Well 2010 was aiaaa, like Eminem’s Relapse. We fell into awkward positions and rose from them. We bid farewell to legendary Bros, like the Certified Bro from Bonny M. We watched Chris Brown and T.I get back up and yedi yedi yee.

But we found out something new, and incredible, we discovered the way of the Bawse. Urghhh I think i’m big mitch!! We accustomed ourselves and totally immersed ourselves in the bawse way. Now as we enter 2011 and geeks are fading out, it is time to get your 60s Italian Mafia Shades and Bawse Up!

As a brophet i am telling you that this year, bawses will pay non-bawses little cash from their stockpile. I say unto thee that this year bawses will speak as they like and non-bawses will swallow every word like their lives...actually their lives depend on it. That this year bawses will collect babes from non-bawses in an unprecedented way, no force but sheer bawse power, no struggle just in a bawsey way.

Okay, i’ve covered the main aspects of a Bro’s life if he becomes a bawse, he has chicks, money and very successful in life (no matter how successful an employee he cannot be more successful than his bawse) *African proverb* Okro  taller than owner, never!!

So as you enter this year, do not listen to Neyo, to whom every year is that of the gentleman; or new boys...dude you cannot really be new since then and you cannot change your name to boys, smhv for them, skinnys are just getting really juvenile and somewhat gay; or to Lady Gaga and Katy Perry who are trying to weed out weak men with aggressive techniques (dust yahning born this way and fireworks shooting from your belly...smh they think we are stupid abi!!)

But listen to the Bro within you, telling you in very certain ways that you have to leave your juvenile ways and become a certified bawse...the next level in your Bro-Hierarchy. Challenge yourself to grow a nice beard, talking with a large voice and urghh whenever you please. Challenge yourself to switch from random to exclusive, to build up your stack b’cus as the recession ends if you don’t plant, the garden will be full when you want to!! 

Bro... Chinese Bros, Yeah!!!

Bros Guide for a New Year’s Eve Party

Okay for a new year eve...umm sorry all my non-Chinese Bros as this is coming late (hey i jst learnt it too). And don't you just love China, two countdowns plus Valentine, like at least 4 slut it up parties in 3 months, beautiful life!! Okay for a new year eve, the rules are much the same for any other party like: -

·         Wear a shiny shirt, pink or something bright (no orange), girls, like fishes are attracted to shiny objects, and you will be easier to remember, for a drunk chick

·         Wear something free below, no jeans allowed, you want the man free

·         As soon as you enter go for the hottest chick, you just don’t know!!

·         Okay then go for the chick with the biggest booty, you just don’t know either!!

·         Then get a drink and party, with as much babes as you possibly can, you really don’t want to be married on the dance-floor!!

·         Don’t over drink b’cus it is expensive!! (in clubs though) and b’cus it will dull on the sensations and you’ll probably not remember the girl you’ll bang (Ghaad, that is worse than not banging atall (Ghaad...smh *really bad*)

Then for the new year part, there is a twist for the new year because of the count-down ish

·         About 30 minutes to the countdown, retreat to a good viewing area and spot the girl you want to bang

·         Watch her movement and make a move 10mins to the countdown

·         If she is with somebody else (not a Bro who has called dibs) then use all the party tricks to pry her away (*party-tricks is another story)

·         About 15seconds to the new year, tell her something romantic like (i cannot believe i’m entering the new year with you, i will rather be nowhere else, with no other person right now...*looking into her eyes like she touched your soul*)

·         Your blah blah should end about when it is 2!!, she will stare back at you, and Bro... common...Bro...common, you know what to do!!

·         Call her out and you are going to get some on the 1^st! yeah!!!!