Out of Service!!

This is the saddest post ever but i'm compiling a lot of Broformation on the good side. I'm in a village on a tour and research on the Bro-relationship in the basic 9ja village and how they get around getting laid. I didn't expect no internet but there is no even cell-phone network. I ran to Lagos for a day to post this so at least you all will know i am alive...

Thanks once again


Sirdobo Murkel!!

Something Serious is Happening--->El Dorado in Nou Camp

El – Classico

If you are wondering about the blog's changes it's because of the heading all the colours are representatives of the traditional colours of the heavy weights involved...

Bros we have come to that time of the year when chicks are abandoned for  the mesmerizing dance of the lights on a television set. The time when Osama Bin Laden where’s a Barcelona Jersey and drinks Heineken, when Prince Charles drinks Smirnoff Ice and is clad in only boxers, when numerous chicks sleep really early and curse football hehehe. The greatest footballing event of mankind is here again, the Spanish El-Classico (Real Madrid, original Spaniards Vs Barcelona FC, original Catalans) *Carlos Santana playing some sexy Spanish fighting duel music on his guitar*

This year both teams have by far the best ballers in the world: Higuain, Pedro, Puyol, Pepe, Ozil, Xavi, Iniesta, Di Maria, Sergio Ramos, Dani Alves, Gerard Pique, Carvalho...e.t.c and definitely the best young coaches, Guardiola and Mourinho. But beyond this is the greatest Bro endorsed battle of all-time probably, to be the King of the Footballing World!! *Some Steven Spielberg movie soundtrack*

Forget Rooney, forget Ibrahimovic and forget Sneijder, for there can be no doubting that Messi and Ronaldo are the only two men who can rightfully lay claim to the title of the world's best.

Don't take my word for it, even the 'Special One' confirmed as much earlier this season when quizzed on the subject.

“There are two options," said Mourinho. "Cristiano, and Messi."

However, the outspoken Portuguese tactician, well versed in making outlandish and controversial remarks throughout the years, took it one step further by offering his unique view on who is the numero uno -  a debate that continues to polarize opinion amongst footballing purists.

"If you consider Cristiano to be one, then Messi is two. But for me it is clear - Cristiano is number one," he lauded.

Ronaldo himself appears to concur with his boss' assessment, telling Spanish television recently, "I'm the bigger player,"before adding with a wry smile "at least I'm taller and broader."

"Messi is in a phenomenal moment right now - loads of goals and exhibition football," he continued

"The whole world seems to want to talk about Messi and me, but Barca and Madrid are not one-man teams. We are very different types of footballers, but I'm quite sure that during my years at the Bernabeu I'm going to be one of the best players in the world."

But the question remains, is Real's powerful stallion really better than Barcelona's scampering magician, and the current World and European Player of the Year?

Such has been the consistency of Messi's performances over the past two years, not to mention the level of impact that he has had in the games (does anyone remember his Maradona-esque goal against Getafe?) that even the Spanish press are running out of superlatives for the boy from Rosario.

After a sublime hat-trick against Real Zaragoza last season, which followed a glorious treble against Valencia the weekend before, La Vanguardia used a plethora of adjectives to describe the diminutive genuis, lauding him as"unrivalled" and "unrepeatable". High praise indeed.

Barcelona daily Sport declared that "Messi is the God of football," while continuing the trend of plundering a thesaurus to find new and more creative ways of describing La Blaugrana's mesmeric No.10, by stating that he was not only"stratospheric", but also "divine" and "extraordinary."

Possibly the greatest compliment however came inside El Mundo Deportivo after they offered the equation,"Maradona + Ronaldo = Messi". No need to be a mathematical genuis to understand that one!

But arguably Messi's greatest quality is the love for the game he displays in every match he plays and every goal he scores. The child-like qualities he exudes as if he were having a knock about in the back streets of Rosario are to be admired most.

For Ronaldo, the Madeira-born star's greatest asset is his bloody mindedness - his unshakeable belief in his own ability and his desire - almost palpable - to be the greatest footballer of this era or indeed any era, which usually means scoring a bucketful of goals.

So while Ronaldo has bedazzled the watching public with his power, explosiveness and directness, Messi has enchanted us with his ballerina-like movement, his dribbling and his velcro-like touch.

Indeed, to compare these two very different footballing gladiators is akin to debating the merits of Rafa Nadal and Roger Federer in tennis. One a street-fighting bull-fighter, the other poetry in motion.

However, both are still masters at their chosen art. And that is exactly what Ronaldo and Messi are, the only difference being that they paint very different pictures. Think Monet and Picasso.

Both men come into the game in arguably the form of their lives with Messi having scored an incredible 17 goals in his last 10 games for Barca - during which he has netted his sixth hat-trick of 2010 for the club and his 150th official goal for Barca.

Interestingly though, Messi has yet to notch a goal or even an assist in seven attempts against teams managed by Mourinho.

However, before Real fans get too excited, the last time a fact like this was given due diligence - Messi's goal drought against English sides - he proceeded to net a towering header in the 2009 Champions League final to break Manchester United hearts.

Ronaldo on the other hand has netted 17 times in his last 12 outings for Madrid in all competitions, while he has netted a staggering 50 goals in just 53 appearances for the Spanish giants - achieving the feat quicker than any other player in Los Blancos' illustrious history.

But in yet another intriguing subplot - the Portuguese superstar has yet to notch against the mighty Barca in five previous meetings - even missing a penalty in the Nou Camp during the semi-final of the Champions League in 2008 when at United.

Another chapter of the 'Messi or Ronaldo' debate will be written in the Nou Camp - a citadel of football utopia - on Monday evening, with both men battling it out for centre stage.

So who is the best? We will leave you to decide...

Wingman Time Bros

Article 13

All Bros Shall dub one of their Bros his wingman

In these trying times of feminist women, lovers and immense support for the LGBT (sounds like KGB) and a general all time high for women confidence...damn you Oprah and Ellen!! It is ever more necessary to have with you a special Bro. Don’t get me wrong don’t go...no...no not switching to Bros but have a Bro that will be to you as Shaggy to Scooby. Okay to make this easy a man’s life is like riding a fighter jet (you have a lot of women to take down), and as a true fighter will know, you are rubbish (in a tough fight though) without your wingman.

Your wingman is that Bro who will get you a chick who is trying to fuck up his paroles, a wingman is the Bro who will help you distract a hot chick’s friend/friends so you can execute a full frontal attack, a wingman is closer than a brother or may be your brother, without a wingman you will never succeed in life, a Formula 1 driver without a team! So now that I have stressed the need of a wingman it is time for you to think deeply and Dub yourself a wingman.

EXAMPLES OF FAMOUS MEN AND THEIR WINGMEN

Michael Jordan----Scott Pippen

Kobe Bryant-----Shaquille O’Neal

Lionel Messi------Xavi Hernandes

John Tucker-----John Tucker’s Bro

Van Wilder------Pot Nigga

Goodluck Jonathan-----Sambo dude

Don Jazzy-----D’banj

M.I-----Jesse Jags

Kanye West----Jay-Z

Birdman----Lil-Wayne

The list goes on people...without the other, the other will fail and become considerable less effective, so get your A-game on and get yourself a wingman.

*BUZZ THIS WEEK*

This week a lot of things has popped considerably...first the discovery that “Hala at ur Boii” was some dubbed shit...smh, wizkid that wasn’t Bro-like of you, if you were a Bro before we at 9ja bro have suspended you till all this is cleared read more at UP NEPA!: Is this where Wizkid got 'Holla at your boy' from?[VIDEO]

Secondly the daftest nigga in the whole world Soulja Boi declares his love for Kat Stacks...smh read that at Let's Do It 

And for all the new music which i cannot put here individually, just check out Real Music  it is my daily drug so as a Bro i gotta share it with you

Articles 12 Bros don't share dessert; -----(Light Up Nigeria Special Inside)

Article 12

Bros don’t share dessert!!

Okay this should be easy, Bros don’t share dessert. Take this for example you walk into a café in let’s say Manhattan, New York...you might wonder why not Ikeja, Lagos...simple because if I complete my description you will understand why some car tires would be missing and a café was burnt down. Okay back to my imagination, you walk into the café, with your mom and both of you see two men sharing an ice-cream Sunday...don’t lie, if those mistakenly where acquainted to you, definitely not your friends before Bro sef...(smh), if they were acquainted to you, will you walk your mother to the table proudly and introduce them...ehh??

Your Bros should be able to see your mom and greet or at least bow if they don’t know how to greet and look like ancient warriors, so your mother will be proud of you as a great son, who will conquer a lot of women in your lifetime. If you don’t know, mothers are secretly happy when their son gets laid, you are obeying the early commandments...so bottom line make your mother proud by getting laid, bringing hot babes to the house regularly. Your mom won’t complain of that, haven’t you noticed, if they are hot, your mom will tease you of bondage to fool test your strength, once you are married your mom knows you have failed that is why there is often a tense relationship between mother and daughter in-laws, simply because the babe made her warrior son “handicapped”.

The relationship between Bros is extremely complex, you are closer to him than your babes mentally, but you are restricted to a strict code physically and in thought to make sure in these trying times of the according to Uncle Rukus “anti-christ president of the most powerful nation”!!

Another thing that Bros should be warned severely about, especially if you are in Yankee...Chaii!! scary place, is of course you are in a sporting team then somebody, anybody slaps your nyansh...SMHV....noooo, that is not allowed ohh abeg. If you are in the locker room or gym or bush as with some local schools, never look at another guy undressing. Also never never ever slap a team mate or anybody’s nyansh atall...NEVER, the consequences can be severe, like for example the real reason our brother LeBron James (King) left Cleveland Cavaliers was because of one such incident, take a look below...

LIGHT UP NIGERIA

It is no news of the arrant rubbish that was uttered by a once respected, still present leader of Nigeria. That the arrogant, incredibly ridiculous statement coming up was uttered by a human being is on its own baffling, moreso a leader of our country...smhv. Imagine the person in the form of Senate President Dimeji Bankole uttered, I presume in a drunken stupor, that steady light should not be considered anytime soon in Nigeria...wait for the bombshell...because it will affect the billion naira generator sector of our economy. What stupidity and ignorance, i can bet you my junior brother cannot argue that and he is barely 13...smh one again.

With his simply daft ideology, we should also allow the illegal drugs to thrive as they generate income, so also the piracy of goods, in fact internet fraud should be protected, let’s go further sales of arms also, in fact sell all the uranium we have to Al-Qaeda, they will like to buy some...why deceive ourselves on moral values of the largest black nation ever, allow prostitution, have one in Aso Rock so you all can satisfy your beast-like sex appetites, if people want anything whatsoever, they can have it, as long as it brings money. Sell us all, endorse slave-trade, to bring in income...because whether you think I am over-blowing it or not, the fact is everything I mentioned is happening right now, because of a very stupid idealogy and the consequences we are all suffering today. Domino-effect it, if there was constant light, less money will be used for production, more industries will be able to survive, more workers, less theft, prostitution, internet fraud everything happens for a reason, think about it.

I sure as hell cannot bombard this on the airways, because of course, we live in basically a nazi society and I want to get stronger to fight them, for now all I have is this...but I promise you it will not be like this for long (SIRDOBO will revel himself in due time like Clark Kent i’ll die before I forfeit Nigeria), Join the movement, anonymously if you want at REVOLUTION TO LIGHT UP NIGERIA we will make it happen by all means ohhhh, we are STABBAN!!! Very STABBAN uuhhh....BRRRRRR!!!

Let's Go--> Artist Special: "Hoodini" Vaudeville Mixtape

Vaudeville Mixtape Review

Today is a special day on the 9ja Bro Network, we have the official review of the mixtape Vaudeville.  Firstly we have to discuss about the artist. He, firstly is a certified Bro, and as fellow Bros we have a duty to support him but when we review a mixtape, we do so without sentiments  - A Bro never lies about important stuff to another Bro, especially those that bring in $$ -

Review on a Hip-Hop Mixtape here is based on Delivery, Content, Tracks Comparisons and Buzz and Expectations. It is done by a group of 5 Bros, who all possess beyond the ordinary analytical capabilities and are keen Rap enthusiasts so every review is done as properly and bias free as possible.

On the mic is Hoodini, this might send your minds to the magician and to some other Bros the old MIC Killer, well he brings both to the table and he is obviously a 9ja Bro...duhhh. Swag on nauseous heights. If you are not used to yankee or jand in the winter better wear a duvet around yourself when next to him...BLING!! A 17yr old...unbelievable!! A graduate from Adesoye College and just a year outta high school.

Okay on the Mixtape, titled Vaudeville, produced by Black Executive Entertainment, it boasts quite a nice mixture of sounds, some party jams like “Big Boi Party” and “Should I approach”. Got my blood pulsating quite alright the on to the more head bobbing songs like “It was all a dream”. Funky sounds and more down to earth sounds. All round a very diverse and well rounded “freshman” mixtape.

On the delivery, on Hoodini himself; very tight, confident and generally smooth. Had a “Game” kindda flow to it. “It was all a dream” got me thinking of 2pac immediately, reminiscences of “till the end of time” flowing into me and I knew he hit the spot. On the delivery  he gets a 4.5/5

On content, as I said earlier he had a very good and pretty remarkable mix of songs in a single mixtape. In every song he showed his lyrical prowess and got me saying WOW from time to time. But then again nothing really special in his style, taking nothing away from him but a lot of people in the game right now can go just about as hard as him, he will definitely have to go harder to break through to a serious mainstream king. On content he gets a 4.0/5

On track comparisons, we try to take each and every track and compare the general structure of the tracks and compare them with each other. Vaudeville had quite a number of differences in each track but a fault kept on appearing, pretty annoying and it is simple down to inexperienced or downright poor production, take nothing from the beats, but every ending was somewhat flat, like leaving us in a limbo, you want to raise and drop in a track, not basically excite a girl and leave her half done (makes you a bad lover). On track comparisons he gets a 3.5/5

On Expectations, as a new comer he definitely exceeded my expectations more so as a 17yr old. But an argument can definitely take hold on if this can sell a million copies....hmmm. Plus with his little exposure to a prospective market, through reverbnation only, leaves questions asked on how serious he actually is or his self confidence. By now you would expect him to be gathering hype all over, with the advent of youtube, twitter and the like, but not so is the case funny enough. Buzz on him is very pretty low. So with his lack of buzz taking into consideration, for someone basically unknown to do this, above the likes of wizkid by far, I give him a 5/5

SO THE VAUDEVILLE MIXTAPE GETS AN OVERALL RATING OF 4.25/5

Click on Listen to Hoodini below "in the supposedly empty space people" to listen plz drop in your comments on the mixtape and the review...plz tell us ur favourite song and support the artist in anyway you deem fit...remember he is a Bro!!

---------->Listen to Hoodini<--------- 

LISTEN OHHH!!! If yon don't like it shot me!! That is if you like rap in the first place oh! I wanted to upload the songs but you listening to it on reverbnation will increase his reputation...he's a Bro

Article 10: Dumping Buddy

A Bro will drop whatever he’s doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick.

It’s normal for a Bro to get confused, scared and disoriented when dumping a chick, especially for the first time. For some reason he’s worried she’ll become agitated or even violent after he calmly explains his desire to have sex with her friends. In such cases a Bro is needed unequivocally, to remind him that there are plenty of chicks in the ocean, and that a breakup need not be hazardous, stressful or even time-consuming. To remind him that even if he doesn’t score with the chick’s hot best-friend that just came from a far of land and is the main reason for their break-up, he will find another chick just like her in another far of land, maybe he’s dreams.

It is important to remind your friend that he is better off as the dumper not the dumpee, that as soon as the chick knows of his intentions, he will be dumped without mercy and he will fall down straight into the pit, the hell, the underground world where Brovicts are banished to trickle-down-banging. Where they prey on extremely desperate, mostly ex-, old, adult film actors who have no life ahead of them not even in prostitution...SMH. Believe me she will do this to you without as much as a heart-beat, so dump her now!!!

If your chick refuses after trying these, pay for a girl to act as your long lost wife, if she is still stubborn, pay for a guy to act like you are gay, if she is still stubborn, burn all her clothes, if she is still stubborn, beat her like chris did rihanna *that one worked* (I am not in support of domestic violence oh), if she is still stubborn, consult babalawo, if it doesn’t work, have a special meeting with T.B Joshua, if it doesn’t work, consult Daddy G.O, if still stubborn kill yourself, at least you have broken up

BRO: HOW TO DUMP A CHICK IN SIX WORDS OR LESS

“Gosh! your mustache is super cute”

“She looks like a younger you”

“I will finance a boob job”

“Your sister’s waist is really flexible”

“Quit fast food, it’s showing!”

CLASSIC LINES FOR DUMPING A CHICK

From a Nigerian babe you might get a slap

Bro (sorry bro)                                                            Nigerian Babe

“You’re not the one”                                       "Ori e sogi, so who is the one"

“It is not you, it is me”                                    "Tell me what is wrong with you"

“I’m not feeling the way i once felt”              "Sorri ohh, i am feeling thesame way"

“I don’t want to do this to you”                      "You are not doing anything-(na command)"

Passing word: - Be careful of the babes you go out with, ex-soldiers, black belt holders, boxers, body-builders, gun experts are on the no go list, you want to break up without breaking up...

Malaria don hook your boy, pray for me oh!! I hate taking drugs so I might just throw all of them away like I usually do! Lol, Enjoy November, get all your duffle bags ready for the hardest parties in December, you know how we Bosses do...

Red Alert: A Nigerian Kardashian Has Been Born

Eureka!!!!!

  

Due to recent events beyond my personal control, I have been away for a while. It is all for a good cause though...yes Bro studying chictometry, the advanced Kardiology of Kimoviagrin Gene Sequence.

Some recent events in the cosmos has made me reach a conclusion that amid the dust swivelling in controversy of a very respectable booty, I have the utmost pleasure to announce publicly that my Bro Research Facility has found a live growing “Kardashian” like form in Nigeria!!!

I have been tracking this impeccably wonderful being for a couple of years now, going undercover as a mere school-boy (to score some hot high-school babes too...i was also illegal so don’t question me) to study the rare species more closely.

With a strong diction, fearless mindset and of course the tell-tale sign of any “Kardashian” of Kimoviagrin genotype, an incredibly (sorry i have to use some scientific and engineering terms, English wasn’t made for this) parabolic, symmetric, coneccentric, time-bending, wormhole creating, sun genesised nebula of pure Puerto Rican, African booty, with the effect of instant turn-ons to all living organisms…including amoeba, OR you can just say arghhhhhhh damnnnnnn!!!! (holding your head in your hand and your mouth and eyes wide open)....that’s a good enough description.

Our very own Lopez for Latino, Kim for Caucasian and sorry Asians are yet to find their messiah, has arrived and in a big way too. A very self acclaimed Big Boy, more like Big Bad Boy (he’s got B- sized boobs) spotted her and put her in his video, sending out a very strong warning to all other wannabe Bad Boys that he has the missing key, the holy grail, the Nigerian “Kardashian”. Giving her, her very own space and sequence in his AWESOME “Ota Mi” Video...Good Lord you must have seen it, and already causing a global stir being tagged a crime on Nigeria’s own Naija State of Mind

Below are the videos, even if you have watched them before, you need to again b’cus some people still believe nobody has gone on the moon, this is testament to alien technology and the existence of a Heavenly Being working hand in hand. Giving Bros worldwide a reason to wake up every morning and smile. Like the Rinnegan, it has been given to us in a time of need (hey some people watch Naruto, it doesn’t make them less of Bros), during the upcoming elections, to save us from boring politics and remind us exactly what we are here for… “And it was said, Let man (notice the man part) conquer the world and TRY to Procreate” BOOK OF JUGS 6:9 , a  heavenly command indeed!

So as a final word -----> Obedience is Better than Sacrifice, so go on and try as much as possible but please don’t succeed!!

No need to elaborate on the position, you will definitely know it when you see it...naturally, for Bros i know of only!!

Article 8

A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro.

There are no sentiments between Bros that cannot be articulated through the convenience and emotional distance of electronic mail. The following are a few emails for any Brocassion that succinctly get the message across without costing you the trouble and expense of having to find and then send an actual greeting card.

EMAILS FOR ANY BROCASSION

SYMPATHY

To: Bro

From: Bro

Subject: Dude

Sorry, Bro.

CONGRATULATIONS

To: Bro

From: Bro

Subject: Bro!

Nice, Bro

GET WELL SOON

To: Bro

From: Bro

Subject: Bro...

Don’t give up, Bro.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

To: Bro

From: Bro

Subject: Dude

Drinks on me , Bro.

THINKING OF YOU

To: N/A

From: N/A

Subject: N/A

N/A

Okay before you question my decision to skip to Article 8, think of this, do you really believe girls don’t read this, yh huh...well think again. And do you want me to expose to the whole chick world the goings of the locker room, or school gym or the small bush where you change to play inter-school matches?? Huh!! Do you really?? Well if you do request for it, female Bros with a certification of authenticity from a Bro is allowed to vote...no information about you will be passed on to chicks that are not hot...assured, like Pamela Anderson hot or Kim Kardashian hot...yh Bro no Kemistry or Weird MC -------> p.boykoko2@gmail.com ... READ, PARTICIPATE, VOTE

*okay away from Bro chatter as we usually do, check out my friendly blogs, some guaranteed crazy stuff going down on www.ohyuhfancyhuh.blogspot.com, music lives 9ja style on www.IF99.org worldwide musical genius, yhu know, real hip-hop paroles from Arabian money base on www.flowkillz.blogspot.com and my personal wiki guide on twitter @itsaykay...remember no plane flies alone (not talking about the sites btw) so get a wingman now!!*

             

Article 4

A Bro never divulges the existence of the Bro Code to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be share with chicks for any reason...no, not even that reason.

NOTE: If you are a woman reading this, first let me apologize: it was never my intention for this blog to contain so much math.

Second, I urge you to look at this blog for what it is – a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we’re from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.* Your hair looks amazing, b-t-dub.

*hey bros hilarious vid down there, insane, and please don't do that!!! Jizz in your pants... Also up Madrid!!! Hahaha, one of mainest bros will tell you money can buy everything and he's proved us all wrong again, NIO u get mouth

Common it's champions league period, boys have matches to watch...so better don't even try tasi-ing me.

Psst – hey, guys! I put this in really small type at the bottom since we all know men have much better vision than women. Ignore the above – the Bro Code is definitely not a piece of fiction. I was simply lying to uphold this very article.

Bro Code--- Monday's always begin with a twice the work

Article 2

A Bros is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.

Okay, had only one nigga started wearing skinnys, we would all have been like, “Lady, please!!! If only one Spanish dude had decided to run down the street in front of a bunch of angry bulls, people would’ve been like, “Dude, come on.” If u saw one man dropping tomatoes on his body...more like smh. The very license to be irresponsible and downright stupid is the very reason we have Bros in the first place.

Article 3

If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown

N.B: Naming a lapdog after a some wrestler or action hero does not absolve a Bro from the spirit of this article

*Of the bro topic--> Just what is it with wrestling...?? Please if you still watch it, as a bro, DON’T!!! Wrestlers are gay, simple. Grown muscular men like Batista and Triple H, (One of my former Bros had the game smackdown vs raw 2007), in rubber g-strings, oiled and ready to grope at each other and you tell me it is alright...!!!??? You must be a seriously bent male, you are definitely not even a dude. ------ POINT?? Abstain from all forms of wrestling, even Olympic wrestling and Hand wrestling, don’t let me go into that...only girl catfights are accepted, but that is another Article on its own*

follow me on twitter www.twitter.com/ebolabrain

Don't forget to comment it will definitely be LEGENDARY

Hey piss u dere, if u don't already watch how i met your mother, do so now!!

Bro Code--->Article 1- Bro's before ho's

Bros before ho’s

The bond between two men is stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, men are stronger than women. That’s just science

Did You Know...

Article 1 can trace its genesis all the way back to Genesis, yh the biblical book. The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls has unearthed a once-lost passage that documents the earliest infringement of the Bro Code.

BOOK OF BARNABAS 1:1

And everything of need was provided in the Garden. Fruit, water, companionship. But one day, Adam came upon a naked chick, Eve, and desired her olive leaf. And so Adam wenteth behind an apple tree to know Eve, totally ditching his Bro, Vand, who had Chelsea Vs Arsenal tickets. Long story short, humankind became self-aware, paradise was lost, and well we all know what happened to Arsenal..

*away from the usual bro chatter, i read a very enlightening piece on facebook, unconfirmed though, it claims the person who ought to sleep with the person who is meant to be the most powerful human in Nigeria said, “the president was once a child, and the senators where once a children”. So who will complain  when they force us to produce our TOEFL at the embassy and will still interview us...smh... where #GBAGAUN police at, u can’t do nothing now can you, the person’s got immunity*

twitter www.twitter.com/ebolabrain

pls comment...whatever u say is awesome, trust me 

A Brief Walk in Bro Code History

While the story of the Bro Code is not nearly as simple and elegant as God handing  down some tablets to Broses, its origins weave all the way back to the dawn of humanity.

In the beginning there was no Bro Code...which was unfortunate for the world’s first Bros---Cain and Abel. Lacking an agreed-upon set of social principles, Cain killed Abel and committed history’s first Broicide. As punishment Cain was doomed to walk the earth alone. Why? Because without a wingman, he had absolutely no chance to meet chicks, smh...that’s one sad bro...

Centuries later a Bro from Sparta and a Bro from Troy got in a fight over a chick named Helen. Yh, I know, “Helen” isn’t a hot name, but allegedly she had a “face that launched a thousand ships,” you can just imagine what her bod could have looked like---mehn. The two Bros waged a terrible war over this chick---which could have been avoided if they had been familiar with the most basic Bro Code: Bros before ho’s. To cut the long story short the Spartans beat the Trojans, though they tried, and Helen got half the gold for the next eighteen years.

Hundreds of years later, appropriately in Calabar, common we should all know why, a little known group of delegates gathered together called 7.5 wingmen, Brokang Ini-Dobo, Brogede Balogun, Brolu Arogunmati, Broruaro Lordobo, Ayo Brologun, Smith Brommanuel and Tunji Brolaolu scratched on parchment what is now considered the earliest attempt to record the Bro Code. Over the years Bros have amended and added rules, but Lordobo’s elegant words remain as the glorious preamble to the Bro Code.

While the original document is housed 2,000m below sea level in an undisclosed, vacuum sealed, bullet proof chamber, I was able to gain access long enough to get my sacred replica. (I am not really good at blogging yet or else i would have put a picture copy, give me a couple of days and i would figure that out).

I leave you with these parting words... Never Leave A Bro Stranded with a hot crazy babe...Wingmen are hard to come by but forever necessary...N.B don't wingman for random men, you will just be as good as a hooker

JUST WHO IS A BRO...?

Before I jump straight in and just boringly define who a bro is, let us first take a journey on broness. Bros all over have for centuries asked some very bro questions to themselves without understanding the bare rudiments: Is it okay to hug a bro?* If I’m invited to a Bro’s wedding, do I really have to bring a gift?† Can I sleep with a Bro’s sister...or mother...or both?‡

Now in modern days, these rules have gone on paper...THE BRO CODE, and very soon worldwide on the internet, the 9ja Bro Network. Previously this only existed as oral tradition(heh ;-) ), so I have done you the honours to personally put it together, pausing only to flesh it out myself (double heh ;-) ). Seeing this spread out and allow this compendium of knowledge from one generation to the next will definitely bring a tear to my eye. But not out of it. That would be a violation of Article 41: A Bro never cries.

It is my sincere hope that, with a better understanding of brohood, Bros worldwide can put aside their differences and strengthen the brohood and accomplish successfully society’s greatest challenge - getting laid. Before tossing my words to the vultures, consider this: without the sport inherent in trying and banging chics, would men willingly have sex for the sole purpose of producing

smelly, screaming babies?•

Okay To The Real Topic

You should have heard the word “Bro” used liberally at your local gym, bar, campus residence. Perhaps you’ve seen it confused recklessly with “dude” or “guy”. Maybe even you have tossed out a “Bro” at a stranger for a favour. But an important distinction must be drawn: just because a guy is a dude, doesn’t mean that dude is a Bro.

Q: Who is a Bro?

A: A Bro is a person who would give you the shirt off his back when he doesn’t want to wear it anymore. A Bro is a person who will bend over backwards to help you bend someone else over backwards. A Bro is simply a lifelong companion who you can trust will always be there for you, unless of course he’s got something else going on.

Q:Can only dudes be Bros?

A:You don’t need to be a guy to be somebody’s bro, provided you uphold the moral values contained within the sacred Bro Code Canon. When a woman sets up a guy with her busty friend, she’s acting as a bro. And if she sets him up with other hot friends after he slept with the first one and never called again, the she’s a certified bro.

Appropriate Bro Usage

During the course of this blog, some-times I may use Bro in ways u may feel confusing but don’t feel bad, Bro just emphasizes AWESOME. But from the beginning  it is necessary to curb the inappropriate usage of Bro.

Appropriate “Bro” Usage                                             Inappropriate “Bro” Usage

Nabroleon                                                                                    Broan of Arc

Alexandbro                                                                                  Cleobrotra

Brocekid                                                                                       Mo’broddeh

Goodluck Bronathan                                                                     Brobangida

Bro Sirdobo

*Never

†Nope

‡Dude. Come on

•Of course not

Twitter Official Account @ebolabrain

Updated with awesome brovidce and legendary codes 8:30pm 9ja time

And as a Bro don't forget to tell other Bros