Red Alert: A Nigerian Kardashian Has Been Born

Eureka!!!!!

  

Due to recent events beyond my personal control, I have been away for a while. It is all for a good cause though...yes Bro studying chictometry, the advanced Kardiology of Kimoviagrin Gene Sequence.

Some recent events in the cosmos has made me reach a conclusion that amid the dust swivelling in controversy of a very respectable booty, I have the utmost pleasure to announce publicly that my Bro Research Facility has found a live growing “Kardashian” like form in Nigeria!!!

I have been tracking this impeccably wonderful being for a couple of years now, going undercover as a mere school-boy (to score some hot high-school babes too...i was also illegal so don’t question me) to study the rare species more closely.

With a strong diction, fearless mindset and of course the tell-tale sign of any “Kardashian” of Kimoviagrin genotype, an incredibly (sorry i have to use some scientific and engineering terms, English wasn’t made for this) parabolic, symmetric, coneccentric, time-bending, wormhole creating, sun genesised nebula of pure Puerto Rican, African booty, with the effect of instant turn-ons to all living organisms…including amoeba, OR you can just say arghhhhhhh damnnnnnn!!!! (holding your head in your hand and your mouth and eyes wide open)....that’s a good enough description.

Our very own Lopez for Latino, Kim for Caucasian and sorry Asians are yet to find their messiah, has arrived and in a big way too. A very self acclaimed Big Boy, more like Big Bad Boy (he’s got B- sized boobs) spotted her and put her in his video, sending out a very strong warning to all other wannabe Bad Boys that he has the missing key, the holy grail, the Nigerian “Kardashian”. Giving her, her very own space and sequence in his AWESOME “Ota Mi” Video...Good Lord you must have seen it, and already causing a global stir being tagged a crime on Nigeria’s own Naija State of Mind

Below are the videos, even if you have watched them before, you need to again b’cus some people still believe nobody has gone on the moon, this is testament to alien technology and the existence of a Heavenly Being working hand in hand. Giving Bros worldwide a reason to wake up every morning and smile. Like the Rinnegan, it has been given to us in a time of need (hey some people watch Naruto, it doesn’t make them less of Bros), during the upcoming elections, to save us from boring politics and remind us exactly what we are here for… “And it was said, Let man (notice the man part) conquer the world and TRY to Procreate” BOOK OF JUGS 6:9 , a  heavenly command indeed!

So as a final word -----> Obedience is Better than Sacrifice, so go on and try as much as possible but please don’t succeed!!

No need to elaborate on the position, you will definitely know it when you see it...naturally, for Bros i know of only!!

Article 8

A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro.

There are no sentiments between Bros that cannot be articulated through the convenience and emotional distance of electronic mail. The following are a few emails for any Brocassion that succinctly get the message across without costing you the trouble and expense of having to find and then send an actual greeting card.

EMAILS FOR ANY BROCASSION

SYMPATHY

To: Bro

From: Bro

Subject: Dude

Sorry, Bro.

CONGRATULATIONS

To: Bro

From: Bro

Subject: Bro!

Nice, Bro

GET WELL SOON

To: Bro

From: Bro

Subject: Bro...

Don’t give up, Bro.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

To: Bro

From: Bro

Subject: Dude

Drinks on me , Bro.

THINKING OF YOU

To: N/A

From: N/A

Subject: N/A

N/A

Okay before you question my decision to skip to Article 8, think of this, do you really believe girls don’t read this, yh huh...well think again. And do you want me to expose to the whole chick world the goings of the locker room, or school gym or the small bush where you change to play inter-school matches?? Huh!! Do you really?? Well if you do request for it, female Bros with a certification of authenticity from a Bro is allowed to vote...no information about you will be passed on to chicks that are not hot...assured, like Pamela Anderson hot or Kim Kardashian hot...yh Bro no Kemistry or Weird MC -------> p.boykoko2@gmail.com ... READ, PARTICIPATE, VOTE

*okay away from Bro chatter as we usually do, check out my friendly blogs, some guaranteed crazy stuff going down on www.ohyuhfancyhuh.blogspot.com, music lives 9ja style on www.IF99.org worldwide musical genius, yhu know, real hip-hop paroles from Arabian money base on www.flowkillz.blogspot.com and my personal wiki guide on twitter @itsaykay...remember no plane flies alone (not talking about the sites btw) so get a wingman now!!*

             

Article 4

A Bro never divulges the existence of the Bro Code to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be share with chicks for any reason...no, not even that reason.

NOTE: If you are a woman reading this, first let me apologize: it was never my intention for this blog to contain so much math.

Second, I urge you to look at this blog for what it is – a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we’re from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually believe or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.* Your hair looks amazing, b-t-dub.

*hey bros hilarious vid down there, insane, and please don't do that!!! Jizz in your pants... Also up Madrid!!! Hahaha, one of mainest bros will tell you money can buy everything and he's proved us all wrong again, NIO u get mouth

Common it's champions league period, boys have matches to watch...so better don't even try tasi-ing me.

Psst – hey, guys! I put this in really small type at the bottom since we all know men have much better vision than women. Ignore the above – the Bro Code is definitely not a piece of fiction. I was simply lying to uphold this very article.

Bro Code--- Monday's always begin with a twice the work

Article 2

A Bros is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.

Okay, had only one nigga started wearing skinnys, we would all have been like, “Lady, please!!! If only one Spanish dude had decided to run down the street in front of a bunch of angry bulls, people would’ve been like, “Dude, come on.” If u saw one man dropping tomatoes on his body...more like smh. The very license to be irresponsible and downright stupid is the very reason we have Bros in the first place.

Article 3

If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown

N.B: Naming a lapdog after a some wrestler or action hero does not absolve a Bro from the spirit of this article

*Of the bro topic--> Just what is it with wrestling...?? Please if you still watch it, as a bro, DON’T!!! Wrestlers are gay, simple. Grown muscular men like Batista and Triple H, (One of my former Bros had the game smackdown vs raw 2007), in rubber g-strings, oiled and ready to grope at each other and you tell me it is alright...!!!??? You must be a seriously bent male, you are definitely not even a dude. ------ POINT?? Abstain from all forms of wrestling, even Olympic wrestling and Hand wrestling, don’t let me go into that...only girl catfights are accepted, but that is another Article on its own*

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Don't forget to comment it will definitely be LEGENDARY

Hey piss u dere, if u don't already watch how i met your mother, do so now!!

Bro Code--->Article 1- Bro's before ho's

Bros before ho’s

The bond between two men is stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, men are stronger than women. That’s just science

Did You Know...

Article 1 can trace its genesis all the way back to Genesis, yh the biblical book. The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls has unearthed a once-lost passage that documents the earliest infringement of the Bro Code.

BOOK OF BARNABAS 1:1

And everything of need was provided in the Garden. Fruit, water, companionship. But one day, Adam came upon a naked chick, Eve, and desired her olive leaf. And so Adam wenteth behind an apple tree to know Eve, totally ditching his Bro, Vand, who had Chelsea Vs Arsenal tickets. Long story short, humankind became self-aware, paradise was lost, and well we all know what happened to Arsenal..

*away from the usual bro chatter, i read a very enlightening piece on facebook, unconfirmed though, it claims the person who ought to sleep with the person who is meant to be the most powerful human in Nigeria said, “the president was once a child, and the senators where once a children”. So who will complain  when they force us to produce our TOEFL at the embassy and will still interview us...smh... where #GBAGAUN police at, u can’t do nothing now can you, the person’s got immunity*

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pls comment...whatever u say is awesome, trust me 

A Brief Walk in Bro Code History

While the story of the Bro Code is not nearly as simple and elegant as God handing  down some tablets to Broses, its origins weave all the way back to the dawn of humanity.

In the beginning there was no Bro Code...which was unfortunate for the world’s first Bros---Cain and Abel. Lacking an agreed-upon set of social principles, Cain killed Abel and committed history’s first Broicide. As punishment Cain was doomed to walk the earth alone. Why? Because without a wingman, he had absolutely no chance to meet chicks, smh...that’s one sad bro...

Centuries later a Bro from Sparta and a Bro from Troy got in a fight over a chick named Helen. Yh, I know, “Helen” isn’t a hot name, but allegedly she had a “face that launched a thousand ships,” you can just imagine what her bod could have looked like---mehn. The two Bros waged a terrible war over this chick---which could have been avoided if they had been familiar with the most basic Bro Code: Bros before ho’s. To cut the long story short the Spartans beat the Trojans, though they tried, and Helen got half the gold for the next eighteen years.

Hundreds of years later, appropriately in Calabar, common we should all know why, a little known group of delegates gathered together called 7.5 wingmen, Brokang Ini-Dobo, Brogede Balogun, Brolu Arogunmati, Broruaro Lordobo, Ayo Brologun, Smith Brommanuel and Tunji Brolaolu scratched on parchment what is now considered the earliest attempt to record the Bro Code. Over the years Bros have amended and added rules, but Lordobo’s elegant words remain as the glorious preamble to the Bro Code.

While the original document is housed 2,000m below sea level in an undisclosed, vacuum sealed, bullet proof chamber, I was able to gain access long enough to get my sacred replica. (I am not really good at blogging yet or else i would have put a picture copy, give me a couple of days and i would figure that out).

I leave you with these parting words... Never Leave A Bro Stranded with a hot crazy babe...Wingmen are hard to come by but forever necessary...N.B don't wingman for random men, you will just be as good as a hooker

JUST WHO IS A BRO...?

Before I jump straight in and just boringly define who a bro is, let us first take a journey on broness. Bros all over have for centuries asked some very bro questions to themselves without understanding the bare rudiments: Is it okay to hug a bro?* If I’m invited to a Bro’s wedding, do I really have to bring a gift?† Can I sleep with a Bro’s sister...or mother...or both?‡

Now in modern days, these rules have gone on paper...THE BRO CODE, and very soon worldwide on the internet, the 9ja Bro Network. Previously this only existed as oral tradition(heh ;-) ), so I have done you the honours to personally put it together, pausing only to flesh it out myself (double heh ;-) ). Seeing this spread out and allow this compendium of knowledge from one generation to the next will definitely bring a tear to my eye. But not out of it. That would be a violation of Article 41: A Bro never cries.

It is my sincere hope that, with a better understanding of brohood, Bros worldwide can put aside their differences and strengthen the brohood and accomplish successfully society’s greatest challenge - getting laid. Before tossing my words to the vultures, consider this: without the sport inherent in trying and banging chics, would men willingly have sex for the sole purpose of producing

smelly, screaming babies?•

Okay To The Real Topic

You should have heard the word “Bro” used liberally at your local gym, bar, campus residence. Perhaps you’ve seen it confused recklessly with “dude” or “guy”. Maybe even you have tossed out a “Bro” at a stranger for a favour. But an important distinction must be drawn: just because a guy is a dude, doesn’t mean that dude is a Bro.

Q: Who is a Bro?

A: A Bro is a person who would give you the shirt off his back when he doesn’t want to wear it anymore. A Bro is a person who will bend over backwards to help you bend someone else over backwards. A Bro is simply a lifelong companion who you can trust will always be there for you, unless of course he’s got something else going on.

Q:Can only dudes be Bros?

A:You don’t need to be a guy to be somebody’s bro, provided you uphold the moral values contained within the sacred Bro Code Canon. When a woman sets up a guy with her busty friend, she’s acting as a bro. And if she sets him up with other hot friends after he slept with the first one and never called again, the she’s a certified bro.

Appropriate Bro Usage

During the course of this blog, some-times I may use Bro in ways u may feel confusing but don’t feel bad, Bro just emphasizes AWESOME. But from the beginning  it is necessary to curb the inappropriate usage of Bro.

Appropriate “Bro” Usage                                             Inappropriate “Bro” Usage

Nabroleon                                                                                    Broan of Arc

Alexandbro                                                                                  Cleobrotra

Brocekid                                                                                       Mo’broddeh

Goodluck Bronathan                                                                     Brobangida

Bro Sirdobo

*Never

†Nope

‡Dude. Come on

•Of course not

Twitter Official Account @ebolabrain

Updated with awesome brovidce and legendary codes 8:30pm 9ja time

And as a Bro don't forget to tell other Bros

Hey Bro, Welcome to the Official Nigerian Bro Community

Okay, I have searched the web through and through and seriously there is no real original Nigerian “bro” site. A site where all bros can relate on common ground for the biggest challenge all bros worldwide face – getting laid.

Yeah, getting laid, and the larger and stronger the brohood the closer we get to world peace, because really, if everybody is getting laid there would be no terrorist attacks...ha... “they blow up so they can get chics mehn”. So I am going to get world peace by posting on this blog everything AWESOME in hammering because as you all should know by now, I nail accurately in more ways than one ;-).

So I implore all of you who read this to foster a good brohood, with all the bros around you, and assist each other in the one most important aspect of bro history...getting laid. Be a bro and don’t break any of the SACRED BRO CODES, but i’ll leave that for later. For now for the first time we have a Nigerian Bro Site where us as awesome Nigerians tackle the great mission both in Nigerian and wherever we may be.

We Nigerians are very blessed on many counts, so not only is the great mission easier for us as we will find out as we proceed but in many ways much more awesome. We will see how brohood has evolved from the inception of mankind, okay maybe even before then, till now, the awesome bros who have paved the way for us like Sir Brossac Newton, Nabroleaon and many other bros and how we will succeed in the GREAT MISSION

Once again I welcome you all to the great 9ja Bro Site

Bro Sirdobo

Twitter Official Account @ebolabrain

Updated with awesome brovidce and legendary codes every evening 8:30pm 9ja time
And as a Bro don't forget to tell other Bros