Something Serious is Happening--->El Dorado in Nou Camp

El – Classico

If you are wondering about the blog's changes it's because of the heading all the colours are representatives of the traditional colours of the heavy weights involved...

Bros we have come to that time of the year when chicks are abandoned for  the mesmerizing dance of the lights on a television set. The time when Osama Bin Laden where’s a Barcelona Jersey and drinks Heineken, when Prince Charles drinks Smirnoff Ice and is clad in only boxers, when numerous chicks sleep really early and curse football hehehe. The greatest footballing event of mankind is here again, the Spanish El-Classico (Real Madrid, original Spaniards Vs Barcelona FC, original Catalans) *Carlos Santana playing some sexy Spanish fighting duel music on his guitar*

This year both teams have by far the best ballers in the world: Higuain, Pedro, Puyol, Pepe, Ozil, Xavi, Iniesta, Di Maria, Sergio Ramos, Dani Alves, Gerard Pique, Carvalho...e.t.c and definitely the best young coaches, Guardiola and Mourinho. But beyond this is the greatest Bro endorsed battle of all-time probably, to be the King of the Footballing World!! *Some Steven Spielberg movie soundtrack*

Forget Rooney, forget Ibrahimovic and forget Sneijder, for there can be no doubting that Messi and Ronaldo are the only two men who can rightfully lay claim to the title of the world's best.

Don't take my word for it, even the 'Special One' confirmed as much earlier this season when quizzed on the subject.

“There are two options," said Mourinho. "Cristiano, and Messi."

However, the outspoken Portuguese tactician, well versed in making outlandish and controversial remarks throughout the years, took it one step further by offering his unique view on who is the numero uno -  a debate that continues to polarize opinion amongst footballing purists.

"If you consider Cristiano to be one, then Messi is two. But for me it is clear - Cristiano is number one," he lauded.

Ronaldo himself appears to concur with his boss' assessment, telling Spanish television recently, "I'm the bigger player,"before adding with a wry smile "at least I'm taller and broader."

"Messi is in a phenomenal moment right now - loads of goals and exhibition football," he continued

"The whole world seems to want to talk about Messi and me, but Barca and Madrid are not one-man teams. We are very different types of footballers, but I'm quite sure that during my years at the Bernabeu I'm going to be one of the best players in the world."

But the question remains, is Real's powerful stallion really better than Barcelona's scampering magician, and the current World and European Player of the Year?

Such has been the consistency of Messi's performances over the past two years, not to mention the level of impact that he has had in the games (does anyone remember his Maradona-esque goal against Getafe?) that even the Spanish press are running out of superlatives for the boy from Rosario.

After a sublime hat-trick against Real Zaragoza last season, which followed a glorious treble against Valencia the weekend before, La Vanguardia used a plethora of adjectives to describe the diminutive genuis, lauding him as"unrivalled" and "unrepeatable". High praise indeed.

Barcelona daily Sport declared that "Messi is the God of football," while continuing the trend of plundering a thesaurus to find new and more creative ways of describing La Blaugrana's mesmeric No.10, by stating that he was not only"stratospheric", but also "divine" and "extraordinary."

Possibly the greatest compliment however came inside El Mundo Deportivo after they offered the equation,"Maradona + Ronaldo = Messi". No need to be a mathematical genuis to understand that one!

But arguably Messi's greatest quality is the love for the game he displays in every match he plays and every goal he scores. The child-like qualities he exudes as if he were having a knock about in the back streets of Rosario are to be admired most.

For Ronaldo, the Madeira-born star's greatest asset is his bloody mindedness - his unshakeable belief in his own ability and his desire - almost palpable - to be the greatest footballer of this era or indeed any era, which usually means scoring a bucketful of goals.

So while Ronaldo has bedazzled the watching public with his power, explosiveness and directness, Messi has enchanted us with his ballerina-like movement, his dribbling and his velcro-like touch.

Indeed, to compare these two very different footballing gladiators is akin to debating the merits of Rafa Nadal and Roger Federer in tennis. One a street-fighting bull-fighter, the other poetry in motion.

However, both are still masters at their chosen art. And that is exactly what Ronaldo and Messi are, the only difference being that they paint very different pictures. Think Monet and Picasso.

Both men come into the game in arguably the form of their lives with Messi having scored an incredible 17 goals in his last 10 games for Barca - during which he has netted his sixth hat-trick of 2010 for the club and his 150th official goal for Barca.

Interestingly though, Messi has yet to notch a goal or even an assist in seven attempts against teams managed by Mourinho.

However, before Real fans get too excited, the last time a fact like this was given due diligence - Messi's goal drought against English sides - he proceeded to net a towering header in the 2009 Champions League final to break Manchester United hearts.

Ronaldo on the other hand has netted 17 times in his last 12 outings for Madrid in all competitions, while he has netted a staggering 50 goals in just 53 appearances for the Spanish giants - achieving the feat quicker than any other player in Los Blancos' illustrious history.

But in yet another intriguing subplot - the Portuguese superstar has yet to notch against the mighty Barca in five previous meetings - even missing a penalty in the Nou Camp during the semi-final of the Champions League in 2008 when at United.

Another chapter of the 'Messi or Ronaldo' debate will be written in the Nou Camp - a citadel of football utopia - on Monday evening, with both men battling it out for centre stage.

So who is the best? We will leave you to decide...

Wingman Time Bros

Article 13

All Bros Shall dub one of their Bros his wingman

In these trying times of feminist women, lovers and immense support for the LGBT (sounds like KGB) and a general all time high for women confidence...damn you Oprah and Ellen!! It is ever more necessary to have with you a special Bro. Don’t get me wrong don’t go...no...no not switching to Bros but have a Bro that will be to you as Shaggy to Scooby. Okay to make this easy a man’s life is like riding a fighter jet (you have a lot of women to take down), and as a true fighter will know, you are rubbish (in a tough fight though) without your wingman.

Your wingman is that Bro who will get you a chick who is trying to fuck up his paroles, a wingman is the Bro who will help you distract a hot chick’s friend/friends so you can execute a full frontal attack, a wingman is closer than a brother or may be your brother, without a wingman you will never succeed in life, a Formula 1 driver without a team! So now that I have stressed the need of a wingman it is time for you to think deeply and Dub yourself a wingman.

EXAMPLES OF FAMOUS MEN AND THEIR WINGMEN

Michael Jordan----Scott Pippen

Kobe Bryant-----Shaquille O’Neal

Lionel Messi------Xavi Hernandes

John Tucker-----John Tucker’s Bro

Van Wilder------Pot Nigga

Goodluck Jonathan-----Sambo dude

Don Jazzy-----D’banj

M.I-----Jesse Jags

Kanye West----Jay-Z

Birdman----Lil-Wayne

The list goes on people...without the other, the other will fail and become considerable less effective, so get your A-game on and get yourself a wingman.

*BUZZ THIS WEEK*

This week a lot of things has popped considerably...first the discovery that “Hala at ur Boii” was some dubbed shit...smh, wizkid that wasn’t Bro-like of you, if you were a Bro before we at 9ja bro have suspended you till all this is cleared read more at UP NEPA!: Is this where Wizkid got 'Holla at your boy' from?[VIDEO]

Secondly the daftest nigga in the whole world Soulja Boi declares his love for Kat Stacks...smh read that at Let's Do It 

And for all the new music which i cannot put here individually, just check out Real Music  it is my daily drug so as a Bro i gotta share it with you

Articles 12 Bros don't share dessert; -----(Light Up Nigeria Special Inside)

Article 12

Bros don’t share dessert!!

Okay this should be easy, Bros don’t share dessert. Take this for example you walk into a café in let’s say Manhattan, New York...you might wonder why not Ikeja, Lagos...simple because if I complete my description you will understand why some car tires would be missing and a café was burnt down. Okay back to my imagination, you walk into the café, with your mom and both of you see two men sharing an ice-cream Sunday...don’t lie, if those mistakenly where acquainted to you, definitely not your friends before Bro sef...(smh), if they were acquainted to you, will you walk your mother to the table proudly and introduce them...ehh??

Your Bros should be able to see your mom and greet or at least bow if they don’t know how to greet and look like ancient warriors, so your mother will be proud of you as a great son, who will conquer a lot of women in your lifetime. If you don’t know, mothers are secretly happy when their son gets laid, you are obeying the early commandments...so bottom line make your mother proud by getting laid, bringing hot babes to the house regularly. Your mom won’t complain of that, haven’t you noticed, if they are hot, your mom will tease you of bondage to fool test your strength, once you are married your mom knows you have failed that is why there is often a tense relationship between mother and daughter in-laws, simply because the babe made her warrior son “handicapped”.

The relationship between Bros is extremely complex, you are closer to him than your babes mentally, but you are restricted to a strict code physically and in thought to make sure in these trying times of the according to Uncle Rukus “anti-christ president of the most powerful nation”!!

Another thing that Bros should be warned severely about, especially if you are in Yankee...Chaii!! scary place, is of course you are in a sporting team then somebody, anybody slaps your nyansh...SMHV....noooo, that is not allowed ohh abeg. If you are in the locker room or gym or bush as with some local schools, never look at another guy undressing. Also never never ever slap a team mate or anybody’s nyansh atall...NEVER, the consequences can be severe, like for example the real reason our brother LeBron James (King) left Cleveland Cavaliers was because of one such incident, take a look below...

LIGHT UP NIGERIA

It is no news of the arrant rubbish that was uttered by a once respected, still present leader of Nigeria. That the arrogant, incredibly ridiculous statement coming up was uttered by a human being is on its own baffling, moreso a leader of our country...smhv. Imagine the person in the form of Senate President Dimeji Bankole uttered, I presume in a drunken stupor, that steady light should not be considered anytime soon in Nigeria...wait for the bombshell...because it will affect the billion naira generator sector of our economy. What stupidity and ignorance, i can bet you my junior brother cannot argue that and he is barely 13...smh one again.

With his simply daft ideology, we should also allow the illegal drugs to thrive as they generate income, so also the piracy of goods, in fact internet fraud should be protected, let’s go further sales of arms also, in fact sell all the uranium we have to Al-Qaeda, they will like to buy some...why deceive ourselves on moral values of the largest black nation ever, allow prostitution, have one in Aso Rock so you all can satisfy your beast-like sex appetites, if people want anything whatsoever, they can have it, as long as it brings money. Sell us all, endorse slave-trade, to bring in income...because whether you think I am over-blowing it or not, the fact is everything I mentioned is happening right now, because of a very stupid idealogy and the consequences we are all suffering today. Domino-effect it, if there was constant light, less money will be used for production, more industries will be able to survive, more workers, less theft, prostitution, internet fraud everything happens for a reason, think about it.

I sure as hell cannot bombard this on the airways, because of course, we live in basically a nazi society and I want to get stronger to fight them, for now all I have is this...but I promise you it will not be like this for long (SIRDOBO will revel himself in due time like Clark Kent i’ll die before I forfeit Nigeria), Join the movement, anonymously if you want at REVOLUTION TO LIGHT UP NIGERIA we will make it happen by all means ohhhh, we are STABBAN!!! Very STABBAN uuhhh....BRRRRRR!!!

Let's Go--> Artist Special: "Hoodini" Vaudeville Mixtape

Vaudeville Mixtape Review

Today is a special day on the 9ja Bro Network, we have the official review of the mixtape Vaudeville.  Firstly we have to discuss about the artist. He, firstly is a certified Bro, and as fellow Bros we have a duty to support him but when we review a mixtape, we do so without sentiments  - A Bro never lies about important stuff to another Bro, especially those that bring in $$ -

Review on a Hip-Hop Mixtape here is based on Delivery, Content, Tracks Comparisons and Buzz and Expectations. It is done by a group of 5 Bros, who all possess beyond the ordinary analytical capabilities and are keen Rap enthusiasts so every review is done as properly and bias free as possible.

On the mic is Hoodini, this might send your minds to the magician and to some other Bros the old MIC Killer, well he brings both to the table and he is obviously a 9ja Bro...duhhh. Swag on nauseous heights. If you are not used to yankee or jand in the winter better wear a duvet around yourself when next to him...BLING!! A 17yr old...unbelievable!! A graduate from Adesoye College and just a year outta high school.

Okay on the Mixtape, titled Vaudeville, produced by Black Executive Entertainment, it boasts quite a nice mixture of sounds, some party jams like “Big Boi Party” and “Should I approach”. Got my blood pulsating quite alright the on to the more head bobbing songs like “It was all a dream”. Funky sounds and more down to earth sounds. All round a very diverse and well rounded “freshman” mixtape.

On the delivery, on Hoodini himself; very tight, confident and generally smooth. Had a “Game” kindda flow to it. “It was all a dream” got me thinking of 2pac immediately, reminiscences of “till the end of time” flowing into me and I knew he hit the spot. On the delivery  he gets a 4.5/5

On content, as I said earlier he had a very good and pretty remarkable mix of songs in a single mixtape. In every song he showed his lyrical prowess and got me saying WOW from time to time. But then again nothing really special in his style, taking nothing away from him but a lot of people in the game right now can go just about as hard as him, he will definitely have to go harder to break through to a serious mainstream king. On content he gets a 4.0/5

On track comparisons, we try to take each and every track and compare the general structure of the tracks and compare them with each other. Vaudeville had quite a number of differences in each track but a fault kept on appearing, pretty annoying and it is simple down to inexperienced or downright poor production, take nothing from the beats, but every ending was somewhat flat, like leaving us in a limbo, you want to raise and drop in a track, not basically excite a girl and leave her half done (makes you a bad lover). On track comparisons he gets a 3.5/5

On Expectations, as a new comer he definitely exceeded my expectations more so as a 17yr old. But an argument can definitely take hold on if this can sell a million copies....hmmm. Plus with his little exposure to a prospective market, through reverbnation only, leaves questions asked on how serious he actually is or his self confidence. By now you would expect him to be gathering hype all over, with the advent of youtube, twitter and the like, but not so is the case funny enough. Buzz on him is very pretty low. So with his lack of buzz taking into consideration, for someone basically unknown to do this, above the likes of wizkid by far, I give him a 5/5

SO THE VAUDEVILLE MIXTAPE GETS AN OVERALL RATING OF 4.25/5

Click on Listen to Hoodini below "in the supposedly empty space people" to listen plz drop in your comments on the mixtape and the review...plz tell us ur favourite song and support the artist in anyway you deem fit...remember he is a Bro!!

---------->Listen to Hoodini<--------- 

LISTEN OHHH!!! If yon don't like it shot me!! That is if you like rap in the first place oh! I wanted to upload the songs but you listening to it on reverbnation will increase his reputation...he's a Bro

Article 10: Dumping Buddy

A Bro will drop whatever he’s doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick.

It’s normal for a Bro to get confused, scared and disoriented when dumping a chick, especially for the first time. For some reason he’s worried she’ll become agitated or even violent after he calmly explains his desire to have sex with her friends. In such cases a Bro is needed unequivocally, to remind him that there are plenty of chicks in the ocean, and that a breakup need not be hazardous, stressful or even time-consuming. To remind him that even if he doesn’t score with the chick’s hot best-friend that just came from a far of land and is the main reason for their break-up, he will find another chick just like her in another far of land, maybe he’s dreams.

It is important to remind your friend that he is better off as the dumper not the dumpee, that as soon as the chick knows of his intentions, he will be dumped without mercy and he will fall down straight into the pit, the hell, the underground world where Brovicts are banished to trickle-down-banging. Where they prey on extremely desperate, mostly ex-, old, adult film actors who have no life ahead of them not even in prostitution...SMH. Believe me she will do this to you without as much as a heart-beat, so dump her now!!!

If your chick refuses after trying these, pay for a girl to act as your long lost wife, if she is still stubborn, pay for a guy to act like you are gay, if she is still stubborn, burn all her clothes, if she is still stubborn, beat her like chris did rihanna *that one worked* (I am not in support of domestic violence oh), if she is still stubborn, consult babalawo, if it doesn’t work, have a special meeting with T.B Joshua, if it doesn’t work, consult Daddy G.O, if still stubborn kill yourself, at least you have broken up

BRO: HOW TO DUMP A CHICK IN SIX WORDS OR LESS

“Gosh! your mustache is super cute”

“She looks like a younger you”

“I will finance a boob job”

“Your sister’s waist is really flexible”

“Quit fast food, it’s showing!”

CLASSIC LINES FOR DUMPING A CHICK

From a Nigerian babe you might get a slap

Bro (sorry bro)                                                            Nigerian Babe

“You’re not the one”                                       "Ori e sogi, so who is the one"

“It is not you, it is me”                                    "Tell me what is wrong with you"

“I’m not feeling the way i once felt”              "Sorri ohh, i am feeling thesame way"

“I don’t want to do this to you”                      "You are not doing anything-(na command)"

Passing word: - Be careful of the babes you go out with, ex-soldiers, black belt holders, boxers, body-builders, gun experts are on the no go list, you want to break up without breaking up...

Malaria don hook your boy, pray for me oh!! I hate taking drugs so I might just throw all of them away like I usually do! Lol, Enjoy November, get all your duffle bags ready for the hardest parties in December, you know how we Bosses do...